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Arizona State Fair; 9 October 2004

I dislike managed experiences: malls, resorts, packaged tours, amusement parks, and even street fairs hold absolutely no interest for me. I also do not like crowds; and there's a specific mechanical sound that's repeated in techno or mechanical music that gives me a migraine.So, why I enjoy going to county and state fairs is beyond me.

I guess because it's one big freak show: weird foodstuffs on display in the pavillions (the home ec entries sag and moulder after a few days) and for sale for eating if you dare (one-pound turkey legs basted in MSG; deep-fried burritos, twinkies, asparagus, oreos, and snickers; gallons and gallons of sugar water); parading hoochie girls and ogling homies hooking up; armadas of strollers, babies swapped out for giant cheap stuffed animals; sugar-rushed kids; and really, really absolutely immense -- in all senses of the word -- families (what's the necessary payload capacity of the family car these days?).

:::

Hyperbunnie, Agricultural Pavillion.
One of my favourite things to do at the fair is to disobey the Do Not Touch the Bunnies sign and touch the soft, velvety bunnies through the cage bars. I like the bunnies with the droopy ears -- English Lops -- and the chocolate brown Mini Rexes.

Spiral Fries.
They come served in a breadloaf-sized brick, covered in 10 ounces of melted cheese. Junkfood lightweight that I am, I defied certain death by eating half of a cinnamon bun with warm, ooziliscious icing.

Empty stools at sideshow skill game. One barker, eager to get customers, began talking about how much she loved working her particular game because of the autonomy and opportunities for sticking it to The Man it offered her. "I have the flexibility to offer you any number of different prizes."

Bumper cars, awaiting victims.

Fake lantern inside the World's Smallest Horse exhibit. The World's Smallest Horse is supposedly too small for even a baby to ride, but a baby could so too ride it. If a baby could ride that is. Also, the World's Largest Steer was really a Cow, and the World's Largest Horse is named Hercules, even though she's a girl horse.

These exhibits are first class fibfests. But, admission is only 50 cents, so check them out.

The main drag. Nosy parkers in the audience: the fellow in the blue Hawaiian shirt is the elusive, mystery boyfriend.

I don't like kids, but this one just charmed the socks of me. He was nervous before the calliope started and was all wide-eyed and huggy with mom and then as soon as it started, he was unmitigated glee.

Perfect kid experience: I witness and partake in the beauty and joy of childhood wonder and mom gets to deal with cranky too-tired kid on the way home.

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